Feminist Parenting: Taking on the World, One Kid at a Time

Below is an essay written as part of Feminist Underground's series on feminist parenting.

The onslaught of media consumed by children today cannot be avoided. Even if your kids don’t consume it directly, their friends will. Negative messages about body image, overt and thinly veiled racism, sexism and homophobia are everywhere, and our children absorb all that in a variety of ways. In addition to trying to change the media—which must be a critical part of movements for social justice—as parents we have to act as mediator between the messages our children get in the world, and how those messages affect who they are and what they believe.

Schools are places where media messages—the effects of them and children’s interpretations of them—are mixed with real life experiences with institutionalized bigotry and oppression. From the far corners of the playground where child anarchy can foster unchecked messages and experiences, to the history books that formalize those sentiments, too often our kids are being schooled in a context that, as feminists, we know is dangerous.

That’s why, as a feminist mother, I chose to not send my kids to school.

In addition to being a feminist parent, I am a feminist homeschooler. This has been a difficult identity to reconcile within me. I have always been a strong believer in the public school system. I am 100% a product of it. My parents are teachers. My husband taught for seven years. My daughter went to one year of school, enjoyed it and had no terrible experience that made me yank her out and run away. I understand the belief that public education is a cornerstone of our democracy. I know a lot of teachers who work really hard to have democratic classrooms, teach tolerance and address social issues. But, I can’t get past the fact that schools in general breed conformity, conformity to norms that include sexist, racist, classist, heterosexist and homophobic underpinnings; norms that include manifestations of media messages about beauty standards, consumerism, and gender roles that my feminist ideology fundamentally opposes. And although I know I can’t shield my kids from all of that, I can minimize the influence without living in a bubble, and provide an education that implicitly opposes those things.

Part of what homeschooling affords us is the opportunity to be out in our community participating in our democracy, studying it and critiquing it. In a traditional classroom, students too often are subjects of a totalitarianism, not a democracy. They may study government, but it is only in the abstract, and much of the teachings include blatant lies about its formation and intentions. We are able to focus on the peoples’ history, and learn to be better citizens of the world.

As parents, we are on hand to address misconceptions, and to take on negative media and the big issues affecting the world. Most of all, we encourage critical thinking. Not just in the abstract, but of what our children hear and read and consume through media on a daily basis. They are now quick to discern what the motivation of corporations are, how advertising works, and what ideas are embedded in what they encounter. My daughter especially is quick to point out that her books on babysitting are always geared towards girls, and that toys and books aimed at girls are too often focused on superficial things like fashion.

Because of the freedom of our schedule, we do not confine the study of women to March or African Americans to February. When art exhibits and anti-war marches and special speakers on campus come up, we can go. When something sparks their interest, my kids can follow that interest through without being too busy doing inane worksheets for homework, and don’t have to study only what the state has decided a child in that grade should be studying. My children are out in the world, observing some women and people of color in high- powered positions, and some living in poverty. They observe homophobia, sexism, racism and classism in the world, and we are right there to help them identify and process, and even work to address those injustices.

Because I work from home, as an activist in the women’s movement, my children also see what it looks like to work for change. They see me, and other women, working in a variety of jobs, instead of believing the children’s books that feature women always as teachers, nurses or ballerinas. When they are with us throughout our day, they also see up close how to live a socially conscious life. They see that we shop locally, honor labor, and boycott stores like Wal-Mart. They learn how to communicate with adults, work on their relationships with friends and family, and be conscious of the decisions they make and how they affect others. They go with us to vote, and to attend organizing meetings. These are the real life lessons, and illustrations of the personal as political, that I believe are cornerstones of their education and of their personal development.

In their interactions with other children, of which there are many (and if my daughter had a choice they would be constant) the grown-ups are able to help our children practice being peacemakers, being inclusive and compassionate friends and citizens of a community. The group of families we homeschool with have exposed my children to ideas and art and lifestyles that are varied and different from our own, and that difference is celebrated. The children are able to take on service learning projects in our community, volunteer their time to charitable endeavors and raise money to help those in need.

Homeschooling for us is a way to provide an education that is implicitly justice focused, that takes on--instead of ingrains--the dangerous aspects of our government and society. This framework allows them to think critically and act accordingly. It hopefully inspires them to think outside the boxes children (and adults) are pushed in to, and to take on the injustices in their world. As a feminist mother, this is way more in line with the kind of parent I want to be, and the kind of kids I want to raise.

Comments

[la pobre habladora]

This is a brilliant post, Rachel. Thanks. It is sure to get our readers thinking about new things. Watch for a link tomorrow!

[Cecilia Herles]

Rachel,
Thanks for this post! I am in awe of all that you accomplish on a daily basis!

[wonderwoman]

Thanks for a thought provoking post -- your approach and reasons for homeschooling are laudable.

I posted today on feminist mothering as well at my blog Professor What if. Here is the link if you are interested:
http://professorwhatif.wordpress.com/2008/08/08/what-if-motherhood-fogs-your-feminist
-lenses-on-being-a-feminist-mothe/