I <3 Consensual Sex

Oh yeah. Definitely. Absolutely. I really, really do. Yesssssssss…..I just love consensual sex.

California NOW in partnership with chapters across the state are launching the I <3 Consensual Sex campaign, hosting I <3 Consensual Sex Day in April 2008 during Sexual Assault Awareness Month. Most people don’t want to talk about rape, but lots of people want to talk about Consensual Sex. This campaign will open up communication about consent, asking and teaching people what consent is and how to ask for exactly what you want.

Both Minneapolis NOW (who created this fabulous campaign. Thank you!) and NOW at SDSU have had outstanding success with the campaign. Hundreds of students at SDSU wore I <3 Consensual Sex t-shirts raising consciousness and controversy. Many people really didn’t know the definition of ‘consent’, which probably accounts for some crazy percentage of the date rapes that happen at college parties, so we are also considering legislation that would require campuses to teach the definition of consent.

Want to join the campaign? Want to create your own I <3 Consensual Sex Day? Want a fabulous I <3 Consensual Sex t-shirt, sticker, button? We want you involved, so just let us know. I want something too…I want to know, what is your definition of consent?

Comments

[halstene]

i want to join the campaign! :D

consent-is a comfortable known agreement between two persons at that time.-others feel free to elaborate

i can do such a great job of telling you what consent isn't too! -_-

[John Galt]

If you've got your hand over her mouth, Consent is when she blinks twice.

[Zoe]

http://forums.fark.com/cgi/fark/comments.pl?IDLink=3248648

You just gotta see what the public is saying about this campaign.
WOW!

[Chelsea Del Rio]

Let's talk about sex, baby! I am so excited about the campaign and the conversation that is already starting.

A perfect indication of the need for this campaign is evident in the innapropriate comment (above) by Mr. Galt. I know there are better definitions of consent out there than that. Let's hear them people!

Consent is an unequivocal, clear YES, let's get it on, free from any coercion or force.

[Chelsea Del Rio]

Let's talk about sex, baby! I am so excited about the campaign and the conversation that is already starting.

A perfect indication of the need for this campaign is evident in the innapropriate comment (above) by Mr. Galt. I know there are better definitions of consent out there than that. Let's hear them people!

Consent is an unequivocal, clear YES, let's get it on, free from any coercion or force.

[missruthie]

Consent? Has nothing to do with whether or not I'm wearing underwear, or how I'm dressed, or if I'm walking around by myself. Consent has everything to do with whom I actively choose to sleep with. If my choice is somehow taken from the equasion - through force, coercement, or intoxicating substances (among many other factors), then consent is not there.

In my humble opinion.

[missruthie]

And, yes, I would TOTALLY buy merch with this slogan!

[kbosch]

i wonder why john galt feels so threatened by women that he must actively seek out blogsites to spew ('scuse the pun) his insecurities?

who knows, but it's not going to work this time. here's to the women (and men) around the world who aren't afraid to say they want healthy, consensual, free-lovin'!

[Christina]

I was a member of the NOW@SDSU chapter when this campaign was first getting off the ground and I am so excited and inspired to help bring the I <3 Consensual Sex campaign into a larger forum for contemplation and action! Consent is about having the freedom to CHOOSE what to do, with whom to do it, and when/where to do it. This campaign states loudly and clearly that we all (women AND men) have the right to express ourselves as sexual beings and, at the same time, demand that we not be treated as sexual objects. As missruthie stated, it does not matter what we choose to wear or how we act. It’s plain and simple: we all have the right to be safe and free from sexual assault and rape, no matter the circumstances. Let’s educate people like John Galt and teach them that “blinking” does not equal consent.

[John Dias]

I once read this book, "Emotional Blackmail: When the People in Your Life Use Fear, Obligation, and Guilt to Manipulate You" by Susan Forward and Donna Frazier. That book illustrated how both men and women are fully capable of using emotional manipulation in the attempt to get others to do what they want. My Ex wife did it to me all the time, and in each case the result was always the same (in varying degrees): I felt insecure and resentful when I refused her requests, and puffed up with magnanimity when I did go along. Her requests had a wide range, including sex when I didn't feel like it. They could be about buying something (she chose not to work a paid job), spending money on trips and vacations, giving up my free time (weekends) to do what she wanted to do, etc. I was a push-over. I really resented her for it, and thought that it was unfair that she should manipulate me this way. After all, aren't we equals? Shouldn't we give a little, and not just expect?

Now that I'm divorced, life is so much clearer. In most ways better, but in every way clearer. The problem was me -- I was consenting every step of the way. I needed to tell her no. What's the worst that would likely happen, she would throw a tantrum? Glory be, not a tantrum! But it was apprehension of that tantrum -- her moral condescension -- that made me feel so obligated.

The reason this relates this post is that emotional blackmail is certainly a form of psychological coercion, but I think that when the psychological turns into the substantive, a decision has been made. That means that consent has been given, due to that decision. If I had said no, then consent would have been refused or revoked. But I didn't.

If I had SAID no -- that's the key. Saying it. In my view, you can't accuse someone of sexual assault against you if you don't make it quite clear that you refuse. Regret about your own emotional weakness after the fact does not constitute rape.